remember you used to say i was incredible

and i believe it 

i am incredible.. 

we are.. ‘

oh my what an appetite

for a small thing like me / big on the inside

i let my heart introduce me.

id rather not be so absent minded

how long have  i been here?

close your eyes and ask it 

i am .. 

I am …


something before memory itself 


for someone .. with such gifts.. you have a wandering imagination..

maybe i should look back at God in the mirror

look back on the audience member 

in the seat of the treatre

in front of the projector.. 

that is the mind in a dream 

i was never sure if i had created it or if it had been created for me

am i the author? of my dream // 

i am the author in my drea,m,,, and yet, still i 

like to forget i am that 

i like to watch the show play out as scripted..

i am an allower of  Nature’s way ..

i am an allower of the creators thoughts. plays. . 

and yet, 

i know i  have a part to play

i can say my lines

i can live my truth

harder this time .!

i am a player, only this time i am looking directly at my creator, my director , at the projection room behind the audience, behind the camera, facing me . and looking at me too, spot on.  

i am the player , only this time i know i am no one

im not playing / acting, to be someone

unless that someone is God himself my creator

my director, .. my self 

still simultaneously , my self 

i direct myself in higher consciousness

i use consciousness to seek before-consciousness



before this life, in between all lifetimes, seemingly,, but containing them all.

thats what we call Brahman and Parabrahman

sanskrit is just a (good) clue into understanding the nature of reality

like the Father, Son, Holy Spirit trinity

the son is the father and the father is the son, and the ghost

but they carry out different balanced parts of a whole

Like the Self which incarnates, and 

falls in love! 

with itself,

that only appears

as another.

i am capable of so much more when i pray.

when i stare into the eyes of my creator,  willing only to share eyes .. communicate .. bridge .. share minds , 

share a holy perspective

the I am 

before identification with the gunas, the elements etc

what came before prakriti?

i know brahman does know itself even when it appears absent

self awareness

i know we all know of our true divinity

and our connection to God through this apparent planet Earth. 

I know Christ is coming , and here

i know how my higher self feels

and how she thinks

like NO MIND 


the vital breath

i was pure somatic awareness, not even theorizing ,

allowing the play to roll maybe

(and knowing the directors here)?

like a lovely lucid dream

when you felt more fantastic than ever before

because you remembered something true

about the elements that comprise your soul

and the stars you have been to , and can go again…

you were in a house .. that you were so happy to explore. and the expansive land it sat on. and the wise intelligent and emotionally magnetic company

probably only one more..

in your lucid dream, and you could find, anything to satisfy

you urge to simply see and be introduced to 

worlds beyond .. previously unfathomed

climbing over fantastical ruins 

with more dimensions and space

and less time

a dream and yet a place too

of course, it exists too. i traveled there beyond my body

i went there astrally but still i lived it and it was real

and the people i met there were real. and the town was real. and even though it was made of stuff that would totally vanish, we made that place real . 

it was made of the stuff of our minds

it was programmable ‘matter’

it is.. a script im currently writing

“Whatever I want, isn’t it neat?”

youre not gonna know youre the author of your life/dream, and that’s alright. 

its like how we love to fall asleep at night

its a relief to let go of a dead puppet

not the body full of light,

the idea of yourself.

let go of the idea

and be free to be it 



Im not afraid to enter into new relationships, unlike some other people

i suspect its due mostly to the need for activity . the gunas all 3

thinking, doing, identifying

im so thirsty for a boo. just because i like having fun

not because i need it? i wont deny that i need it. thats ok. but im also okay without it. 

her love

somehow it feels like i always have it, even when it seeming isnt here

how much of her love (shakti) do i have for mySELF

now that i am alone?

how i celebrate! my bounty.

giving it away to no one

without a relationship at all

to prepare me for it

the primary one (Relationship)

self loving self is more than just words 

the eye of Truth.